Oh America…
16 Oct 2010 3 Comments
So I have been in South Africa for a little over three months now. Sometimes it feels like the time is just flying by…other times it feels like FOREVER since I have been home. There are a lot of things about home I miss that I expected and others that I didn’t. I realize being here that fall in America is my favorite season and time of the year. There is college football and of course, baseball playoffs. I miss being able watch my favorite teams play! I miss the smell of fall, the leaves changing colors, and the cooler temperatures. I miss carving pumpkins and handing out candy to trick or treaters. I miss getting ready for Thanksgiving and spending that time with my family, cooking for them (yes I do cook sometimes). I miss the cold…strange as that may seem. I miss being able to drive around and the freedom to go places whenever I want. I miss Mexican food! I miss my family, my friends, and my stinker cat Sammy. I miss being able to call them randomly to tell them anything and everything (minus Sammy because he isn’t old enough to have a cell phone yet). I miss getting to watch all my favorite shows. I miss Starbucks and Panera…being able to go there, get something to drink and spending time with God.
I realized that a part of me is shutting off my emotions and my feelings so that I don’t miss all these things. I don’t want to think about what I miss because I don’t want to have to feel the sad feelings that arise. BUT I am starting to understand how much I am missing out when I shut down my heart. The other day I found a card my mom had given me right before getting on the plane to come here. I read it and cried, letting myself just feel. It wasn’t that the card was sad, in fact it was very encouraging, it was just all these emotions started flooding back. I just sat and let myself experience them. Then I turned to my bible and spent some time with God. I experienced God more in that hour than I had in a long time. I opened my heart to feeling and thus to God working. What a lesson for me, if I am shutting down my heart from experiencing pain, I am also shutting my heart down from experiencing God and his joy and comfort. I am able to find new things I love, like caramel dipped soft serve ice cream! I am able to build new relationships with amazing people. I am able to learn a new culture and some of the language. I am able to love kids who are in need of affection. I am able to open my heart to God working and moving in my life…leading me on mission with him. So yeah although the missing sometimes hurts, its all worth it if God is the one comforting me, lifting me up, and using me for his great plans.
