One of Those Moments…
02 Mar 2011 4 Comments
So I am not going to lie, there are days where I question everything. I wonder what I am doing as a counselor, what am I doing in South Africa, and what am I doing for God. There are days when I wake up and want to go back to bed. I don’t want to counsel hurting kids because there are times when I feel too broken myself. I have to make myself get up and get moving. There are times when the emotions I have tried to bury deep down rise up too high, almost causing me to give way to the sadness, the helplessness that I feel being a human living in a broken world, thousands of miles from my home, where I feel safest-the place where I can curl up on a couch with my mom next to me and watch endless tv shows-shutting out the hurting world around me.
But then there are the days that I sit at the Bethany House surrounded by the most beautiful, wonderful, and loving children. There are the times when I can’t help but smile and thank God that I am able to be here and love these children, that I am able to see my relationships with them flourish. I love to see their smiles and see them from far away running to me for a big hug. I love when I get to just take life in, sitting next to the kids, usually with one or two fighting for my lap.
Today I had one of those moments as I counseled in one of my schools. I am usually completely worn down at the end of Tuesdays because I have a full day of counseling. But today was different, although I am super tired, I am also thankful. I was counseling one of my favorite kids (yeah I know I am not supposed to have favorites). We were working on an activity and I opened my notebook filled with my notes and the work of the kids I see. I opened to the page that I had written and decorated this scripture:
“The Spirit of the LORD will rest on him- the Spirit of wisdom and of understanding, the Spirit of counsel and of power, the Spirit of knowledge and of fear of the LORD- and he will delight in the fear of the LORD.” Isaiah 11:2-3
This is my counseling scripture, one that my mom gave me during one of my struggling and down days. I try to pray through it before I counsel. The “delight in the fear of the LORD” part of the scripture stuck out to me as I glanced at the page. I felt this delight come over me; this joy and peace I can’t really explain. All the sudden while I was sitting there counseling this child, I felt like I was exactly where I was supposed to be. I felt like God was using me at that very moment. That God had called me to South Africa for moments like this. I have been struggling with this lie that God can’t use me, and it was amazing to experience this truth. Now I know I want to live for more moments like that, for moments where I know I am exactly where God wants me to be and that he is using me!
Mar 02, 2011 @ 12:01:48
These verses first had real meaning to me when I heard Henry Blackaby, author of “Experiencing God,” on an audio tape on my way to work. He was talking about how he prayed these verses day in and day out, asking for God’s wisdom in the jobs God was giving him. I looked them up, and they’ve had such significance in my life since then. I was just praying these verses yesterday. So cool that God brought them to us about the same time, two continents away!
I’m so glad you’re where you are. But I can’t wait for our TV slugfest when you get back. Chuck. The Mentalist. The Good Wife. That’s just to get the list started.
Mar 02, 2011 @ 13:38:57
You know, when people tell me how South Africa was, the first thing I say is that it was amazing to see you in your element, to see you someplace you fit perfectly and make such a difference. You’re exactly where you’re supposed to be, for such a time as this (Esther 4:14). Love you very big!
Mar 03, 2011 @ 02:27:30
You know Steph…I can’t imagine how difficult it is for you to be so far from home. We miss you terribly. But, I know that God is using you even if you can’t see it. I can’t help but think of when God called me to leave NASA and all I could think of was how I had done nothing for Him when I left because I had seen no fruit. And yet years later I found out that one of the ladies who would blow me off when I shared Christ with her had come to know Christ and was actively serving God. The seeds I had planted, God had grown to fruition even though I didn’t see it at that time. I am so proud of you and know that the seeds you are planting will grow to amazing trees in God’s timing. You amaze me with your faithfulness to God.
Mar 03, 2011 @ 17:13:34
Hey Steph, Just wanted you to know how proud I am of all you are doing for the Lord there in South Africa. Your Grandmother told me about your blog. God is giving you some wonderful experiences and your are blessing many with your work. Keep on smiling and telling the story of God’s love to all the young people there. We are praying for you.